My letter to the Signal Podcast

I am writing to thank you for helping my family and me enjoy my 16th birthday. In fact, as you will read in my letter, the Signal was responsible for providing the food AND the entertainment.

Ever since the first episode aired on FOX, I have been a fan of Firefly. I have also been a regular listener to The Signal, since we discovered you this summer. In episode 5, you ran a segment on food in the Firefly ‘Verse, along with some accompanying recipes. Since I don’t eat red meat, and am under the age of 18, that eliminated almost all of them. But my birthday was coming up on September 1st, so I thought that would be the perfect opportunity to try out the recipes for Kaylee’s Cake and Chocolatey Frosting.

It took a while to get all of the ingredients, since none of the stores I went to seemed to sell Textured Vegetable Protein (TVP). Nobody seemed to know what it was (myself included). I don’t like to call places, but this was important to me so I called a health foods store and they had the ingredient there.

Next, mixing the ingredients. I did the best I could, but I wasn’t exactly sure I did it right. I’m not the best chef in the world (I think I actually fall pretty far towards the bottom). In fact, I have never made anything other than a grilled cheese sandwich on the stove or heated French fries.

When I finished mixing up the ingredients for the cake, it looked like something somebody had previously eaten. I’ll just leave the description at that. After a makeshift water bath was assembled (I had never heard of such a thing before), and the cake was put into the oven, I got to work on the frosting. This turned out much better, and actually looked like real frosting.

After 50 minutes (I let it stay in an extra 5, since it didn’t look done after 45), the cake was taken out of the oven, looking much less creapifying (and actually edible). I let it cool for a while, and then spread the frosting on. I think I may have put to much on, but I tried to use it all up. I also tried to draw the Serenity Chinese symbols on it with a toothpick, but it didn’t work. I wasn’t that good at drawing them, and the frosting resettled a few minutes later, erasing all the evidence of my failed attempts.

Not long afterwards, it was time for the taste test. My mom made sure that I knew the number for 911 first. I made the ‘first incision’, and no balls of fire came flying at me, so I took it to be a good sign. I took a bite. It actually wasn’t that bad (a little chewy though. I think the frosting drowned out whatever taste the actually cake had). The rest of my family seemed to enjoy the cake as well, although my sister hasn’t gone anywhere near it.

I ended up reaching for some apple juice not much later, which my mom interpreted as a sign that the cake tasted bad. In frustration, I let loose a long Chinese phrase, one of the five I know (The other four I have picked up from the ‘How to Speak Chinese’ segment: Sheh-sheh, Ching jin, dah bien-hwa, and dong ma). I had taught myself the phrase that Wash said in Our Mrs. Reynolds: Wuh duh ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh (Holy mother of god and all her wacky Nephews).

While my mother started laughing hysterically, because she thought I had sworn in Chinese (I never swear – honest) – my 83 year old grandmother gasped for breath. She had no idea what foreign tongue had possessed me. I began to recite quotes from the episode and all my grandmother heard was, “Beautiful woman.” “What? Brandon knows a beautiful woman. When did this happen?” My grandmother was overwhelmed as my mother, sister, and I were laughing even more as we explained the episode and reassured her I was only quoting dialogue.

Thanks for providing the recipes, and keep up the good work on the show.